Homestudy Update

Today was an incredible day.  This morning we had our first of three final meetings to finalize our home study.  We met our case worker, Sarah, and had a wonderful time processing many important questions for us to consider as we get closer each day to our forever child.  We were also able to schedule our final two meetings and if everything goes to plan we will be accepted into the adoption pool on June 5.  We can hardly believe that we are finally at this point.  As we discussed our journey of hope with Sarah it was obvious that God’s hand has been with us through all the difficult times and has brought us to this place.  We feel incredibly blessed.

We would ask that you would continue to pray for us as we finish the home study and continue to pray that God knits together a beautiful and healthy child for us.  Please pray too for their birth family that they would experience blessing in this process as well.  We know that it will be incredibly difficult for them to give their child to us but we already feel blessed that they would love their child so much that they would want the best life possible for them.  Someday soon, this child will be in our home and in our hearts and we simply can’t wait!

~Brian and Lori~

Lori’s Half Marathon

Tags

adoption, Hope's Promise, infertility, Van Eps

One week from today, Sunday, May 20, my mom and I will be running the Colfax Half Marathon Run!!  This run is a metaphor for our Infertility and Adoption Journey of Hope.  I have logged over 150 miles in preparation for the run and have always had our road in the back of my head during my runs.  While running, I have often talked with God about his plan for Brian and I and how he has been working through Infertility and Adoption.  Even though this road has been difficult I believe deep in my heart that God still does have a plan for our lives and for our hopes of being parents someday.  The Apostle Paul uses the metaphor of running the race of faith throughout our life.  I believe that he used this metaphor because he knew that a race has ups and downs.  He knew that running was not always comfortable but in the end it makes us into the woman or man that God truly wants us to be.  Many times throughout our journey we have felt the same ups and downs that Paul was referring to.  We questioned what God’s plan for our lives could be.  We questioned whether or not we were supposed to be parents.  We questioned God’s goodness in our lives.  In spite of all these questions God continued to ask us to trust him and to run the race set before us.  As I run these 13 miles with my mother I will be constantly thinking about the race that God has set before.  Just like in the race on Sunday, at some point, I will see the finish line.  We also see the finish line off on the horizon in our adoption journey.  With all of our paperwork finally in and our fingerprints back, we know that it is only a short matter of time before our final interviews and home inspection.  At that point the finish line will come into clear view, knowing that the true race of parenthood only lies footsteps beyond that finish line.  I look forward to that day.  The day when I will finally hold the child that God has prepared for me in my arms so that I can whisper to them how much I love them.

It has been my hope that this race will also be a catalyst for raising support for our adoption.  The total cost of adoption today is almost $25,000.  If only we had won the mega millions last month and that would not be a problem.  But instead we feel that God has allowed us the opportunity to humbly ask for your support.  The old saying goes,”It takes a village to raise a child” and we hope that you would join our journey of hope through prayers, encouraging words, and financial help.  If you feel so moved, we would ask that you click the How You Can Help link so that you can donate through paypal.  We want to thank you in advance for your love, prayers and support in our Journey of Hope.

~Lori~

Light in the Darkness (Our Infertility Journey Part 2)

Tags

adoption, Hope's Promise, infertility

As two years turned into three, we knew that something must be wrong. It was then that our journey of fertility became much more complex and difficult. We were living in Colorado Springs by this time and headed in to Dr. Eric Silverstein for answers to our questions. Dr. Silverstein was incredible to us throughout our process and we feel truly blessed to have had him as our Fertility Doctor. After some initial testing he explained to us our options. On the brighter side, they could find nothing wrong. On the dimmer side, that meant that we still had no answers. He explained to us that our chances of conception naturally after three years of trying were extremely low (5% or worse) He then walked us through the different options of fertility treatment. We will spare you all the brutal details of the unfolding of this journey but in all, it took the better part of a year and a half, various pills, shots, tests, blood work and ultrasounds just to name a few. The end to this fertility journey left us at our darkest moments.

After many initial procedures we decided last year to do IVF (InVitroFertilization). In February of 2011, we got the news back that we were finally pregnant. Lori’s first blood test looked positive and there seemed to finally be a glimmer of hope. Three days and one blood test later we were told that the pregnancy would not last. Lori’s first miscarriage was devastating. We cried buckets of tears as the light of hope flickered tragically. For those of you who have experienced miscarriage, you also know that it is a time of deep doubt and despair and that nothing in life can prepare you for the moment when a life is taken away from you. By July of 2011 we had worked through this miscarriage the best we could and were ready to try once again with our frozen embryos. This time we had lowered our expectations but still hoped that God would answer our cry for a child. Once again the blood work came back that Lori was pregnant. We held our breath as each blood test came back better than the last and finally felt like this would last. We shared with our immediate family that we were pregnant and began to celebrate. As we drove to the Doctor’s office for our first ultrasound we wondered “Will there be more than one heartbeat?”, “How fast will the heartbeat be?”, “How will our little pea sized child look?” We held hands as the Doctor began the ultrasound. At that moment the world stopped. The office became hushed as Dr. Silverstein looked for a heartbeat that he would never find.

As he walked out of the room we knew our lives would never be the same. Our world was forever changed. The last flickering of light seemed to be momentarily snuffed out, blinded by the darkness of an empty egg sac. The place where life should have been, but was not. And yet, in this utter darkness a new light began to burn. Like the farthest star in the sky on a cloudy night, something was there. Hope. The end to this chapter of infertility would soon become a new chapter of adoption. Our hopes for a child shifted as we began to embrace something beyond our plan, God’s plan…

Light in the Darkness (Our Infertility Journey Part 1)

Tags

adoption, hope, infertility, light

Our adoption journey this far has felt like a journey of hope. One way to look at this hope is by using the analogy of light and darkness. Found throughout the Bible, the use of darkness and light symbolize evil and good. God’s first act in creation is to create light. The reality of light, though, is that it shines brightest is the midst of darkness. Our journey of hope has been a journey of light in the darkness. The reality for our story, though, has been that there have been times of deep darkness.

Our marriage began as most do, full of hope and promise. We were young and naive about how life would work out and how the future would come. The first chapter of our marriage began in the small rural town of Hanford, CA. We moved there for the opportunity to serve in a small wonderful church. During our time there we were blessed with many wonderful memories and incredible friendships. We also had the chance to begin to set the foundation of our marriage. One of these foundations was the growing desire to become parents. After 2 years we had, “the talk”. “The talk” basically consisted of Lori and I agreeing that now was the time to begin to try and have children. We remember being excited and nervous for what the future might hold. When would she get pregnant? What would they look like? Would they be a he or a she? What would we name them?

As one month of trying turned into one year of trying, our hearts and minds began to wonder whether these questions would ever be answered. As one year turned into two, we began to worry. What was wrong? In the midst of a life full of light and hope the darkness slowly began to creep in…

Fingerprints

Tags

adoption, fingerprinting, homestudy

Just one week ago, last Thursday, as we drove to Castle Rock our minds were filled with excitement, anxiety, fear and hope. Upon arriving at Hope’s Promise all of our concerns were put to ease by Beth Woods, one of the amazing directors there. She walked us through the first steps in our paperwork and handed us, “The Binder”. Although feared by many, “The Binder” is simply a ton of paperwork that needs to be done in order for us to be fully accepted and approved as adoptive parents. We headed out the door that day with lots of paperwork and excitement for the next steps.

The next step took little time as we headed straight to the police department to get our fingerprints done. Although fingerprints are such a simple thing that we often overlook, our week seemed to be marked by fingerprints. Fingerprints of goodness as our fingerprinting went smoothly. Fingerprints of generosity as we were given the fingerprints free of charge. More fingerprints of generosity when later that day we were given a check to help with our adoption. Fingerprints of hope as the next day we sealed the paperwork in envelopes and sent them on their way. Our week was marked by fingerprints.

Moreover, as we sent off the fingerprints that would start the entire home-study process we realized something profound. It was one year ago to the day that we were given the news that we would loose our IVF baby. We had come to the mountains a year ago to miscarry and to mourn loss. Yet, this year, here we were, at the same cabin celebrating the initial steps in our journey of hope towards our forever child. The picture at the top of this post encompasses this journey of hope. In the background of the little child with the hope balloon stands the post office that our fingerprints were sent off from. Our fingerprints sent off, reminding us of God’s fingerprints on our lives, leading us to the fingerprints of our forever child.

-Brian & Lori

Accepted!

Tags

adoption, Hope's Promise

Monday morning was just another typical morning in the Van Eps house. Lori headed off for work at the school and I tried to recover from a long Sunday at church, while getting ready for the first day of the semester back at seminary. A little before lunch my cell phone rang and it was Beth from Hope’s Promise on the line. She was calling to let me know that we had been officially accepted into the adoption program. Accepted! I texted Lori and I could almost see her smile in the text reply. “I am so excited!” she exclaimed.

We are incredibly excited. The glimmer of light continues to grow as we see the handiwork of God as he orchestrates this process. We couldn’t help but begin to look at cribs on Craigslist and dream about the day when we will hold our forever child in our arms. Even though it has only been 2 weeks since we sent the initial paperwork in, it seems like things simply can’t happen quick enough. Our next steps will include fingerprinting, paperwork, home studies, more paperwork, background checks, training classes, and did I mention paperwork??

Our prayer for this next step is that God would give us patience, wisdom, and guidance along the way. We want to be faithful to the direction that he gives to us and listen to him even in the seemingly mundane pieces of this adoption. Please join us in these prayers as God continues to reveal his plan in our Journey of Hope.

-Brian & Lori

The First Step

Tags

adoption

The phone call came up restricted on Lori’s phone today. We took guesses on who it could be and let the caller leave a message. A moment later Lori’s face lit up as she exclaimed to me, “Listen!”. On the other side of the phone message was someone from Hope’s Promise adoption agency. They called to inform us that they had received our initial application and that within a week or so we would hear back from them. A sense of excitement and apprehension filled our hearts as we look forward to this upcoming phone call telling us that we have been accepted into the program. This is our first step. Our first step in a journey of hope that will lead us to our forever child.